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think on this.May your life be merry, and filled with awesome
RHPolitics
The Curvy Blogger
Sexism & the City
Tumblr Staff
Little Mumbles
Patriarchy Is Bullshit
Female Flesh
The Activista
That Development Lady
You're viewing all posts tagged with sexuality
"
The irony is that Span has fought for the right to show authentic representations of the female experience in an industry famed for its fakery – horribly apt for a culture where female sexuality has been increasingly “pornified”, and where sexualities that don’t fit this model are swamped and sidelined. Authenticity is less important than acceptability, and what has become increasingly acceptable in the rise of raunch culture are exhibitionist sexualities. With the vogue for burlesque, lap-dancing and pole-dancing, not to mention the glut of memoirs from sex workers and strippers, the meaning of the word “sexuality”, when applied to women, has become so corrupted it’s practically a fancy way of saying “sexiness”.
The adult industry needs to acknowledge female desire – the satisfaction of it, not merely demonstrations of it for the satisfaction of male desire – and Span’s positioning of women as consumers rather than product is radically different. But have general understandings of female sexuality become so distorted that it’s possible for censors to reject authenticity in pornography on the grounds it must be bogus? Many complain that teenage lads gain their sexual knowledge from pornography. It’s troubling when the BBFC seems to learn the same way.
""But here’s the question: how do you think sex ed ought to work? I’m not just talking about school sex ed, but sex ed in general? Should it happen in the info-dump form that it does at schools now? How do you think we ease up on the heteronormativity? How do we help girls feel both entitled to their own pleasure and entitled to not have sex? How do we encourage boys to recognise their own sexual pleasure (rather than the ’social’ pleasure of being able to say you’ve had sex/the ‘achievement-all-hail-the-conquering-hero’ grossness) and learn how to negotiate sexual encounters without being unethical—whether that refers to various forms of coercion, violence or even simply being self-absorbed in a sexual encounter (obviously, I don’t think these are equivalently problematic, but they are connected, I think)—given that it’s so easy to learn those unethical behaviours from contemporary mainstream sexual cultures? How do we equip both boys and girls with the skills they need to negotiate their way around sex? How do we shift sex from being conceived of as so special, or as so natural an instinct we never need to discuss how and where and why it happens, or the kinds of power relations that are involved?"
—
Que(e)rying Sex Ed « Wildly Parenthetical (via igather) (via amberlrhea) (via champagnecandy)
(via robot-heart-politics)
"
Still, I suppose that if you’re forty-plus, female and frisky, younger men fit the bill nicely since they tend to be neither married nor broken and bald (interestingly, I’d be lynched for making this remark in reverse: “Oh yes, old blokes with very young girls, marvellous because they’re all single and innocent — it’s so modern, so refreshing, so empowered.”) But anyway: if older women want to shag younger men, good on them. Shag away, old ladies.
What bothers me, though, is the way in which women are no longer allowed (by anyone, themselves included) to be anything other than sexual. If you’re not up for it, you might as well be dead: get with it, nanna, flash us some cleavage.
"— India Knight: Slavering cougars have left women in a cage (via gauntlet)
"
Older men love younger women (and I should know). It has ever been thus, mainly for cultural reasons of money, power and Patriarchy. Now that women are wealthier and more powerful, they’re more often the December in May/December romances. Pop culture certainly seems in love with the idea of the older women with younger men, although I suspect that’s because pop culture gets off on the edgy and transgressive. “Cougars” fit the bill, since they challenge the traditional idea that younger women are hot and older women are icky or sexless.
I don’t condemn women who want to date younger men–if that’s what works for them, great. If men can do it without being shamed, then so, in theory, should we. But the older I get, the more I realize that it’s one masculine privilege I’m not interested in co-opting. Much younger men simply don’t hold much allure for me. I think it’s yet another of the ways that despite the gains of feminism, even when I’m an old girl, I’ll never be be one of the old boys.
"— Bitch? Yes. Cougar? No. (via gauntlet)
"Here’s the thing: teenagers are sexual. They just are, despite the many powerful cultural messages which tell them not to be. And, for teenage girls, in particular, sexuality is a minefield, given that all the images they see of “sexual women” consist only and entirely of their sexuality, and the fact that the sexuality displayed by those women is generally dude-approved and performative. The role model of a woman who is multi-dimensional, accomplished in many different fields, totally accepting of her body, and fucking hot as hell because she knows she likes sex and is ready and willing and eager to have sex in the ways that are most fulfilling and least compromising for her… well, we don’t have that yet. The best solution is to be that role model for yourself, I find. But it’s natural to try to take on the many (incomplete, often messed-up) roles that are offered to you, if even for a few minutes or days at a time, to see how they feel. And, eventually, out of all those models of sexuality, you cut and paste and assemble a little collage that represents your unique sexuality. But while you are a teen, you are going to experiment with as many as you can. Sometimes in goofy or embarassing ways."
— Sady Doyle (via gauntlet)
Oh, one more thing that annoys me:
abstinence only education.
Because, well, let’s face it, until our kids are miraculously born without sex organs, this sort of education fails.
And the fact that Republicans AND Democrats are supporting this makes me really angry. The Democrats are, in my mind, usually spot on when it comes to this issue. It makes me want to give some sort of pep talk, or more realistically, start a petition.
BAH…
I’m off to make some delicious breakfast-y goods.
ME TOO. *-*
You’re not becoming one of those lesbians are you?
A friend rang me recently who I haven’t seen in years. As we engaged in a brief catch up session over the phone, I told him I was slowly converting to hardcore feminism and loving every moment of it. His reply was confusing at first, then upsetting, until I later realised it was downright disgusting. He responded:
“Oh you’re not becoming one of those lesbians are you? That would be such a waste!”
I felt sullied, like I had to justify my sexual preferences, as if that was any of his business, as if sexuality was something you had to justify, something that changed who I was as a person, and how I should be valued. He went on:
“You know I love you. If things hadn’t been different, if I hadn’t met my girlfriend before you, we’d be married with 8 kids by now. You know I love you. Don’t be a lesbian. That would be such a waste.”
Again, like as if choosing or not choosing to sleep with another woman changed my intrinsic value as a person, sullied my chances of achieving my full potential for qualifying as a “real” girl, as an upstanding hot straight chick.
I made hesitant excuses about being too crazy busy and disorganised to make a time to meet up for coffee right then and there. I said I’d text him a time. I’ll text you. You’ll text me. Ok? Ok.
Days passed. I kept thinking about the abrupt strangeness of hearing from him again, the possibility of having him back in my life. The oddness of what he had said. Weeks passed. I felt resentful. I didn’t want to make a time.
Eventually, I explained to a friend how odd it was that guys that used to be in my life can’t seem to let me go, and a message was sent from my phone saying something like “I don’t want to see you. It would be weird and inappropriate.”
I still feel kind of bad about the message, as if I wasn’t being faithful to what had been, in the past, an awesome friendship. But really, in the end, I don’t think I want a friendship with someone who treats such destructive and shallow stereotypes as trivial conversation. Even if he was just flirting with me, it wasn’t funny. We both have long term partners. I’m pretty sure that, although the text was almost mean, it was the right thing to do.
"Heterosexual, monogamous marriage simply doesn’t work for everyone, but society all but demands that we live in one - or, at the very least, in the illusion of one. If open relationships were seen as an equally viable and acceptable option, I’d like to think that people would be able to make choices that really work for them, choices that actually are choices as opposed to simply doing something because that’s what everyone else is doing."
—
Polyamory in practice: An open discussion with Tristan Taormino and Jenny Block | Briarpatch Magazine (via sexisnottheenemy) (via mry)
Perhaps important in every context relevant to The Activista, marriage is a pretty powerful societal construct. It impacts feminists by consistently pushing forward with a traditional value on submission and domesticity for women, inexplicitly and explicitly being defined, again and again and again, as less an egalitarian partnership and more a working relationship of two Others. For the queer community, it shapes standards of an entire group’s behaviors, and by positioning marriage - a heterosexual creation - as a cornerstone of equality, politicians and mainstream queer advocates have worked to do nothing more than simply force queer people to stand side-by-side with their opressors and scream, “really, we do want to be like you!”
This is an important issue, and an important societal value, that needs to be challenged. So bring it on, Taormino.
(via the-activista)
bubububble: nuditynotprudity: (via wickedknickers)
1000 Women Talk About Sex! And Hook Up Culture gets a scientifc name
http://bit.ly/2VDGgZ
"
“I don’t like all of this “It’s rape if I say it’s rape” because you are not the one who experienced it”
Here’s the thing. One time a girl told me about a boy who kept getting girls drunk and then having sex with them while they were passed out from a mixture of drugs and alcohol. (These were high school students, and I was a faculty member.) The girl came to talk to me about a project, and then not-so-subtly started talking to me about other things, like the many parties she went to where a boy would have sex with girls who were passed out. “He’s kind of notorious, and everyone knows about him, you know?” she said. Then she continued on with her story, all (and I quote), “I mean, it wasn’t rape, but it wasn’t consensual, you know?”
At that point, I had to point out that non-consensual sex is the same thing as rape. Actually, when I was in college my cousin told me a similar story, about a dude she was dating who got her drunk (like, kept buy her shots and daring her to drink them/mocking her when she didn’t—she was 19) and then took her upstairs and started having sex with her, even though he knew that she wasn’t ready to have sex with him. She told me she felt gross and dirty and angry and was all depressed since it happened, and she wasn’t really sure why she was so upset and dirty-feeling. I had to gently point out that her feelings weren’t unusual, because what had happened was illegal, and a sexual assault, and rape.
Yet another college friend was raped by a date, in no uncertain terms (she was crying and saying “no…no..no…please stop etc.” and he ignored her, but heard her). But she couldn’t say that she was raped until 3 years later. Even though she knew it was rape, and got counseling and a medical exam and stuff, she could only call it “that thing-that thing with the guy that happened to me.” Because calling it “rape” is scary.
Women are trained to be polite, non-aggressive, and above all nice to men. If a guy wants to buy you a drink and you decline, you’re a bitch. If he buys you a drink and you don’t talk to him—bitch. If you talk all night but then don’t go home with him—bitch. And what’s the worst thing in the world? Being a bitch. Going against ten thousand years of cultural inertia and saying that you own your body, and recognizing that the fragile house of cards that is our belief that we are invincible and untouchable (because how else could we get through the day, except to ignore things like how many people die in car accidents each year, how many women are raped, etc) is just that, a fantasy—these are very difficult thing to do, and many women are not capable (because of a lack of vocabulary) or ready to name their experience “rape.”
That doesn’t make it any less rape.
"—
Jezebel commenter Cimorene, who should really have a star so I don’t have to go through rape threads and individually promote her comments. (via pilgrimsoul) (via hurricane-k)
Rock star comment.
This is such a well written comment. It’s so hard to admit these things to oneself. (I’m still struggling with something that happened to me. I’m not sure what to call it. It was scary, and humiliating, but I feel guilty, like I am making too much out of it and somehow, by extension, minimizing the bad/worse things that have happened to other people.)
(via thedisgruntledgradstudent)
(via a-eliz)
I should have kissed her
As I was getting off the bus the other night, I heard this girl say “…Oh my god she was like so ugly, I thought she was a lesbian or something.” I wanted to turn around and hit her. Hit her in her short shiny dress and dolly hair. But before I could think fast enough I was standing on the footpath and the bus was rushing away.
Damn!
I replayed her words over to my friends and it was suggested that I should have turned around and kissed her. Kissed her in my long pink skirt and dolly hair. Because lesbians are beautiful.
